empty_wilderness

Emerald Green Apocalypse

2009-08-09T01:23:00.000-07:00

Beautiful girl.. I love the way you make me feel with the wind in my hair. The freedom you offer is intoxicating to my soul.

what to worry?

2009-08-09T01:12:00.000-07:00

Everything is quite alright. I surround myself with cool down to earth people.. I need to do this more often. It sparks my writing ability. Let me stop for a second and reflect on what I have in my life right now......... A beautiful queen. An black haired friend that goes by the name of Ziggy. A mother that loves me dearly. I've got it made, the only thing holding me back is my selfish stupidity. Shit, I'll wear this smile on my face because it makes me feel good and level. Makes me feel like jamin' to sacred rhythms. Makes me feel like lovin underneath the full blue moon.

Dear Friends

2009-08-08T00:17:00.000-07:00

I realize that things never really last, but some of those things never really die. They live on in one's heart and soul. I've never really had that many friends and the ones that I have made, the really true ones, will always be dear to my heart. My Friend/Brother Carlos Acosta is one of those few. Years have gone by sense we've been near one another, but I still find myself missing him so much. He will forever be my truest cosmic brother.. He brought me to life and saved me from ignorance. If you read this Carlos know that I love you. Especially when we both wear prom dresses and play tennis.

possibilities...

2009-08-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

Is it possible for one to find his muse again? All I need is a spark to get this revolution of the mind going.

complete sense of rediness

2009-08-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

Home

2009-08-03T21:52:00.000-07:00

Oh Pacific Northwest, Don't let me down....

overview

2007-11-29T11:07:00.000-08:00

I have neared the end of my images of women course this semester. I have learned so much from this course and if I could start my college career all over again I believe I would seriously consider a major or minor in women/gender studies. What’s so great about the subject is that it deals with so much in terms of cultural gender ideas. I’ve learned about different gender roles in society, different types of sexuality, and sexual/gender identities. Its amazing how ingrained our societies gender roles are; for instance, there are subtle things that I do as a male that I would never think twice about which are specific to my gender like, sitting down with my legs sprawled out. After learning that this is the male's way of claiming territory I became more aware of the way other male's sit. Sure enough they sat the same way. This may sound gross but I guess this is the human male's modern way of territorial pissing.

In our final class today one of my fellow classmates raised the thought that he didn’t feel that the good girl/bad girl complex was important, as he stated he found it boaring (Malinche, Eve, Lilith, Virgin de Guadalupe, etc…). I would have to disagree with him because I feel it was very important and relevant to our class. For example, in mainstream thought it is noted that Lilith (Adams first partner) was a bad girl because she refused to be submissive to Adam and because of this she left Eden and discoverd Knowledge in the outside world. It’s so disheartening to me to think that a woman who insists on being independent can be labeled a “bad girl”. Of course as white Anglo male scholars would have it God made Eve from Adams rib and she became his submissive partner. To tie these to versions of the beginning of man together I found out that in some historical text the serpent that enticed Eve to eat from the tree of knowledge was non other then Lilith herself and this is another reason that Lilith is looked down upon. From my point of view Lilith is very empowering to females because in a way she is the first woman’s rights activist. She refused to be treated as a lesser and on top of that she searched for knowledge and independence with out a males consent, which also means to me that she was the one who awakened the human mind. I can’t remember the text for sure but according to it many women have reclaimed the story of Lilith and turned her into a positive model for independent women.

One of the topics that got me most excited dealt with the “indifferential being”, which was another version of the whole Adam & Eve story. The “indifferential being” identifies with neither male or female gender roles, nor does it deal with physical sex. I have always been a huge fan of Plato’s Symposium and out of all the monologues in the Symposium Aristophanes idea about the origin of love is one of my favorites. According to Aristophanes love came to be by the splitting of a being, which was neither male nor female. In the beginning, according to Aristophanes, there was a giant being with two faces on one head with four arms and for legs and they began to learn to much about the world around them and this frightened the gods, so Zeus struck a lighting bolt down to earth and split the being in two. Because of this split we now have a feeling known as love that drives us to find our other half and when we do we discover true knowledge and the “forms” reveal themselves to us. As you can see it’s easy to see where the Bible got its “indifferential being” idea.

There are many other modern ideas of icons present that I learned about which found their beginnings from similar stories that came before them such as the Virgin de Guadalupe. As it turns out her iconic persona has its roots with an Aztec Goddess from present day Mexico. When the Conquistadors were out to conquer present day Mexico they not only wanted to conquer the land but the minds of the natives as well. What better way to win the minds of the natives then to take an indigenous iconic figure the natives already believe in and use it in their your favor. This is exactly what the Conquistadors did when they took an already existing Goddess and turned it into the Virgin de Guadalupe.

As I said earlier, I have really enjoyed taking this class and I feel like a better person from doing so.

Belly Dancing

2007-11-28T12:24:00.000-08:00

This last week my girlfriend went to Houston to visit her family. While she was gone she and her aunt took belly dancing lessons for the first time. When she came back to Austin I was excited to hear about how it went and as it turned out everything I thought I knew about belly dancing was flipped upside down. I always figured that the focus of belly dancing was for women to dress in exotic/erotic clothing and entertain men with their dance, long story short I was wrong. It turns out the belly dancing is one of the most ancient forms of dance, dating back to 5,000 B.C.E. and for the majority of its history it was never intended to be a lascivious form of entertainment until the Europeans started to colonize the middle east; furthermore, it was never intended for men to see. The true focus of belly dancing has to do with evoking the female goddess. Belly dancing, historically, was intended to be a religious rite, relating to the cycles of nature and pro-creation, celebrating the mystery of fertility and life. Women would gather together fully clothed and dance for one another to celebrate their femininity.

Another very interesting thing I learned about belly dancing is that it was used during a women’s pregnancy, and because of the women’s ability to isolate and better control the muscles in their hips and lower stomach, due to belly dancing, pregnant women had the ability to adjust the position of the fetus in their stomach to make pregnacy more comfortable and because of their muscle control child birth was much less strenuous.

I find it so ironic that our western culture discovered belly dancing and turned into a sexual dance that had nothing to do with spirituality. Like most other things, we raped the cultural heritage of it and turned into a dance for men to enjoy and the women began to wear very revealing clothing exposing their torso, chest and cleavage. I wonder to myself, how many other cultural dances, customs, and philosophies have we manipulated and turned into something that has nothing in common with its original purpose? I find it very sad and shameful that our culture has to turn things like belly dancing with a very rich and interesting history into something that deals with sexual objectification and entertainment.

Strippers and burlesque dancers have been quick to add belly dancing to their repertoire. “ In some areas of the U.S., belly dancing is still confused with stripping. "Exotic dance", a term which should have been reserved for this foreign, sensual art, is now exclusively used by strippers, and belly dancers shun it because of the connotations the word has now.” (Wikipedia - belly dancing)

I’m happy to now know the true history behind belly dancing because it has enticed me to question other things I never thought twice about.

peaches

2007-11-12T10:45:00.000-08:00

It seems today in most popular genres of music that gender identity is pretty straight forward. Take Hip-Hop for instance, the men in the music video always seem to be making money and getting the ladies. Often times we see women in the background dancing showing off their curvaceous features and the men appear in the foreground and are obviously calling the shots hence the aggressor/submissive dichotic gender roles in our society. Why is it that pop singers like Jessica Simpson and Brittney Spears conform to pure sexual objectification in order to make sales?

A singer by the name “Peaches” rebels against these black and white gender roles in her music.. Her lyrics and live shows self-consciously blur the distinction between male and female; she appears on the cover of her album “fatherfucker” with a full beard. When she was asked why she chose this title for her album she replied, “Why do we call our mothers motherfuckers? Why do we stub our toe and say, "Aww motherfucker!"? What is a motherfucker? ... We use it in our everyday language, and it's such an insanely intense word. I'm not one to shy away from these obscene terms that we actually have in our mainstream. Motherfucker is a very mainstream word. But if we're going to use motherfucker, why don't we use fatherfucker? I'm just trying to be even.” In some of her music videos she often depicts males wearing female clothing and females wearing male clothing, but they are not depicted as being “gay” they just are. One of her best songs called “Impeach my Bush” deals with freedom of self and choice. Some of the lyrics are “I’d rather fuck who I want then kill who I am told too". The song is also anti-war and anti George W.

feminist art

2007-10-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

Recently in my Philosophy of Art class we have been studying “Outsider Art”. Subjects that fall under this genre of art are such things as folk art, low brow art, and women’s art.Since I am currently enrolled in a Women Studies class I was naturally drawn to the women’s art movement and why it is considered “outsider” art as oppose to the “insider, mainstream” art movement. According to my readings for my Philosophy of Art class, women’s art is considered outsider art because they use “non standard materials” and “present the human body as art”. For example, the differences between a traditional nude painting of a woman done by a male and that of a contemporary nude female painting done by a female is that when a woman does the nude artwork it is deinstitutionalized and not done on men’s terms. Simply put the sexual objectification of women is removed from the artwork. There was a piece of women’s artwork we looked at where a nude female artist inserted a scroll into her vagina while menstruating and then removed it and proceeded to read the contents of the scroll. Clearly this was not done to invoke sexual desires; instead, it was done to show that women can present their bodies on their own terms, instead of men’s, and can do what ever they wish with their bodies. Since her body wasn’t presented in the correct “patriarchal” way it was deemed outsider art.

After doing some research I came upon a feminist art group called the Guerrilla Girls. The Guerrilla Girls art movement is very interesting; they use their artwork to promote women and people of minority in the arts and they often decry the gender and racial imbalance of artists represented in museums and art galleries. One of my favorite works of theirs I came upon was a piece they done in 1989 which depicts a nude women from behind and reads, "Do women have to be naked to get into the Met. Museum?" and it was posted on several New York City buses. It is such a clever work of art because most artist work we see in museums and art galleries are done by male artist and a lot of the times their artwork depicts nude females, hence the quote above.

Ask yourself this: if we were to see a piece of art done by a woman and we didn’t know the artist name or sex would we be so quick to deem it "outsider art". Most likely we wouldn't but as soon as there’s a gender associated with the artwork it becomes "outsider art".

the harms of consensual sex

2007-10-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

It is known that consent is the mutual agreement between two individuals who choose to partake in sexual activities, but what we may not consider are some of the harms of consensual sex. Last week in my Women Studies class my Professor, Ms. McKinney, told us about a male student of hers who was having failed attempts at getting his girlfriend to try certain sexual experiences. His girlfriend declined his attempts because she had no desire to partake in such activities. Reasons for her stance may have to do with physical harm that could be caused or a simple “this makes me feel weird” idea about the sexual endeavors her boyfriend had in mind, this was never made clear why. The boyfriend began to notice that he was able to act out his sexual desires when his girlfriend was inebriated and if I remember right, I don’t believe he ever confronted her with this. He just seemed to take the opportunity and run with it. My question is this, does the girlfriends okaying of her boyfriends certain sexual desires when she is inebriated qualify for consent or is it sexual exploitation? By definition of consent there is no wrong in this, but I believe the boyfriends choice to take advantage of this opportune time when his girlfriend is inebriated is indeed sexual exploitation and it does not qualify for sexual consent. I believe it is a sexually deviant act and morally wrong because when someone is inebriated their mental judgment is always skewed and impaired to certain degree. I can think of many things I have done while under the influence which I regretted the next day, and with a SOBER mind would have never even considered doing. How is this any different the boyfriend girlfriend situation? It’s not. If one has true admiration for their partner they should respect their partners decisions and not search for loopholes around them.

One other thing to consider is a scenario where the boyfriend confronts his girlfriend by saying “I’ve noticed when you’re drunk you’re more apt to partake in my sexual desires of which you would not when sober. Is it ok with you that I pursue these sexual acts with you when you're inebriated so I can materialize my sexual fantasy?” If the girlfriend agrees then ya, it may seem a little less shady because she is aware of his intentions but it’s still shady non the less. The girlfriend may be agreeing to his sexual desires, but it could be the case that she is doing this out of a selfless act to keep her boyfriend happy and she knows that when inebriated she can be more passive and permit her boyfriend to carry out his sexual desires. This is still wrong because the boyfriend still lacks in any real respect for his girlfriend. He is still taking advantage of her when he should respect her and her decisions. Does he even consider the possibility that it is indeed a selfless act on the behalf of his girlfriend? I doubt he does because if he did i believe his conscience would tell him to abandon his selfish desires.

the harms of gender roles

2007-10-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

Last week in my women’s studies class we were discussing rape. Many things we talked about led me to explore my own ideas about what leads to rape, and I felt the need to dig deep into our society’s idea of rape culture. For instance, why is it the norm for a man in a heterosexual relationship to be the “pursuer” of sexual intercourse and the female the “pursued”? The obvious answer to this is the fact that we live in a patriarchal society. The man is passively seen as the one who takes charge and the female is the one who submits.

I remember the controversial news story from last year when the Duke University lacrosse team had a black stripper come to a house party and perform for them on the night of March 13th. The stripper claimed that she was raped multiple times by three of the player and not even a month later the case was dropped based on “inconsistent evidence”. Here are some facts: the stripper was of a minority and the 3 players that were accused were all caucasian. You do the math; a white man’s word against a black woman’s. There was even an e-mail from earlier that day that a team member wrote which proclaimed his plans to have a strippers over and he made references to killing them and then cutting off their skin while wearing his Duke-issue spandex and ejaculating on their dead bodies. He probably had no real intentions of killing anyone but one can clearly see his sexual aggressor side coming out. Typically, when a bunch of men get drunk together they feel the need to prove their “masculinity”. Sadly enough in our society one of the best ways to prove ones manhood is to be the one who gets to fuck the girl. I truly believe that this woman was raped and that the elements which led to her rape were men trying to prove their “manly hood”, and it really sickens me. I’ve herd of stories where girls go to sorority parties and the men of the sorority get the girls trashed so they can continue on to “gang bang” them. One might say that “she was asking for it” my question is why one thinks this.

According to Bell Hooks, the only way our rape culture will change is if men come to feminist thinking and actively challenge sexism and male violence against women. I support this idea. I believe that we, as a society, need to reform our views and norms of masculinity and femininity. If women could reconsider their attraction to “macho” men and men reconsider their attraction to women with “large curves” this in its self would bring our genders to a more mutual transformation and lead to more respect for one another.

Human

2007-09-19T11:29:00.001-07:00

Last week, in my women studies class, we viewed a movie about a trans gender individual named Max and how he coped with becoming a male. Max’s first step in becoming a male, physically, began with taking testosterone. After doing so, according to him, he immediately started to feel more energized, his sex drive went through the roof and he became more distant from his feelings.

First, I would like to state that I support Max’s decision 100%, but after viewing the film I felt a sense of sorrow for Max because he had to live his life in a nation that is so closed minded about sexuality and gender identification. There is such a fine line in America today when it comes to being a male or female. Stereotypically a man must be physically strong, learn to swallow his feelings, and must engage in intercourse with as many females as possible in order to get the “coveted” title of a “player”. I feel as if though Max had fell victim to these stereotypes. This is in no way his fault. I feel his only wish is to find his identity and some how be able to fit in to the world just like anyone else, but for some reason, in our nation, he will never be fully understood by the majority (white males) with out being labeled as a “them”.

Personally as heterosexual male I do not fit into the stereotypical roles of man. I have no real interest in sports, I do not look upon women in a sexual objectifying way, and my feelings are very much so intact. I believe that Max enacts the stereotypical male role because when he use to be a female his mind was flooded with all the masculine norms of a male in our society, so who could blame him for taking on these roles. Through out the film he noted that he thinks about sex all the time and he never has an urge to cry. The question I ask is, “does he sincerely mean this or does he seek the approval of society”?

Instead of asking ourselves what it means to be male or female I think we should concern ourselves more with what it mean to be human. I believe that gender roles should be non existent. One should be free to show there true beauty without the judgment of others. They should be able to love whom they choose and dress the way they wish. If a male wants to be a female, then by all means that is his right to do so.

So many other countries are coming to this realization. So should we.

Parental Leave

2007-09-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday in my women’s studies class, we were engaging in conversation that dealt with the traditional roles of the family back in the 1950’s. An issue that caught my attention is how the role of the husband and wife in their newborn child’s first few month hasn’t changed much since then. Usually in present day America when a couple has a child the mother takes unpaid parental leave for the first few months of the child’s life and the father/partner may take only a few weeks, leaving the mother to do most of the nurturing of the child. After researching this I found out that there is no government program in present day America which helps new mothers financially while they take unpaid leave from their jobs to care for their newborn, nor has there ever been. The only way a mother may receive any financial help during this time is through private insurance or from their husband/partner. This is very twisted and problematic. Growing up I always felt as if my country cared about the “family.” The current administration received many of its votes based on “family-oriented ideals,” but an ironic contradiction occurs when a “family” can’t even receive help from the government while they take unpaid parental leave.

A while back I came upon some refreshing facts about other countries and their policies that deal with parental leave. Most of the countries in Europe, for example, have very generous parental leave for their citizens. I read that in Sweden working mothers and fathers are able to take paid parental leave for the first 16 months of their child’s life with the cost being split between their employers and the government. In addition, the Swedish government encourages greater paternal involvement of the “minority” care giver, which is usually the father. The “minority” parent must take a minimum of 3 months out of the 16 to care for the child. Some Swedish political parties on the left argue for legislation to obligate families to divide the 16 months equally between both parents. This new idea of the “family” in Sweden is so awesome. Worrying about how one can afford to take time off from their job to nurture their newborn is non-existent, and, on top of that, both parents can play an equal role in the childrearing process. Kudos to Sweden!